I remember the weekend before I joined WW so vividly. The weekend of September 15th, 2006. I had moved to Brooklyn the previous December and knew I had steadily gained weight since then. The last time I had been on my scale, I was about 185. But this particular weekend I felt especially fat and disgusting. I knew I was more than that.
Friday, September 15, 2006:
I remember having a very difficult time finding anything that fit when I went to Rebel Night that Friday, and ended up with an outfit that was tight and not comfortable-
Me and Kimi-
September 16th, 2006:
I was attending a wedding that day, and had to buy a new dress because I had gained so much weight that nothing fit. I had to spend nearly $200 just to get something I liked, and I haven't worn it since-
Me and Dolly-
Me and Alaina-
It didn't matter how many people told me I was beautiful - I was fat and uncomfortable and miserable. I hated myself those two days. I didn't even want photos taken of me. I could barely leave the house. But the worst part came on Sunday, when I decided to get on the scale.
Sunday, September 17, 2006:
I worked up the courage to get on my scale and the number reflected back at me was 202.
TWO HUNDRED AND TWO
I had vowed, just 2 years earlier, to NEVER get over 200 pounds again. And yet here I was. Over 200 pounds. Again.
I had to go out to dinner with my Dad and brother that night. The whole ride up to Bronxville I thought about little else than that number, and what I had to do. And at the restaurant, I only ordered a salad. And over dinner, I admitted my weight to my brother. I told him how ashamed I was to be over 200 pounds again. I couldn't even believe it.
That was my last straw. I knew I needed to change immediately.
The very next day I attended my first meeting in my neighborhood (starting weight at Weight Watchers that night was an even 196) and I've been going ever since. Nearly one year now. And am currently down 45 pounds.
For me, the hardest part of Weight Watchers was starting - Walking in those doors again. But I had a fresh start this time- I was in a new city. And to a degree, I think that helped me mentally. (I had been on and off Weight Watchers since 1989 in Yonkers. And I never made it to goal because I always quit, gained weight and rejoined.)
I could not be more pleased that I did join that day. Sure, I could say "I wish I had done it sooner", but I'd rather turn that idea around and say I'm glad I didn't put it off any longer than I did.
I'm not in ANY way discounting the fact that you were unhappy with yourself, but may I say that I saw you last September and you were absolutely beautiful. When I see you in a few weeks I'll probably just fall over in a faint, you gorgeous thing!
ReplyDeleteI perfectly know what you mean... I live in a society where everybody's thin and sporty and is perfect or pretends to be. Everybody feel good with him/herself, everybody wears great cloths I could never wear. Everybody could buy clothes in trendy stores, but they don't have my size in there.
ReplyDeleteBut it's not how it works in my family. My uncle is about 240 and he's one of the most handsome man I've ever seen. I love him. He's better than any other man. For me, he's very much more beautiful than George Clooney.
In the meantime, whenever I wore something a little bit more elegant than my normal "extremely casual" clothes, my mom use to tell me I was beautiful, I was the most elegant and charming girl in the world, BUT (her classical phrase) "If you could only loose a coupple of pounds"...
SO, this is the decision I had to take: do I want to live all my life in my chubby happy family or I NEED to compare myself and my body with THE WORLD?
Well, Sheryl, I admire you much more than I can possibly say. Do you know why?
Simply because you are sure about your aim and how to reach it.
And I'm scared about failing.
I tried too many diets that didn't work with me. I always failed.
I am scared about joining WW because I think about my body as something extremely personal to me.
So... maybe my straw moment didn't come, but I'm losing weight anyway with the cure I'm doing...
I don't know how it will end... I think I could do it very much better if I had you near me to help :)
Did I write too much?
Love you, sister :)
Leti- It is about feeling good with yourself. And if people are happy with themselves at whatever size that's fine with me. I just know I wasn't happy.
ReplyDeleteI've also had back handed compliments like what your Mom told you.
You may not need to join "Witch Watch" since it sounds like you are doing fine on your own. Feel free to incorporate any of my ideas into your own Leti plan! xo
Thanks Nancy. That's really sweet. When I see you in a few weeks, you'll see that not only my physical self has changed but I've heard from many people that my entire way of carrying myself has changed too. I'm so much happier and more comfortable with myself and it shows. Can't wait to give you a big ol hug!!
ReplyDeleteAll the ideas I read in your second to last blog were great and I already made them MINE!!!
ReplyDeletePlease, keep writing and I'll keep reading it!
Hugs
Hey, why did you change it?
ReplyDeleteI prefered "neurotic glamour queen", not "neurotic glamour gal"... You ARE the QUEEN :D
Leti- It always said 'glamour gal'- you only thought it said queen or you are thinking of the link Michelle posted- she misquoted it. But thank you ;)
ReplyDeleteAhahahhaha, ok, maybe I dreamed it :D
ReplyDeleteYou know my brain is fried ahahahhaha!!!!!!
hugs QUEEN :D
I am looking into WW and have a question -- You can do it all online or attend the weekly meetings. Do you feel like the weekly meetings hold you accountable in a way? Do you think avoiding the meetings with the fully online program would pose more of a challenge and make losing weight more difficult?
ReplyDeleteAnd look how far you've come now :)
ReplyDeleteHi
ReplyDeleteI just found your blog the other day and have been reading all of your old posts.
I rejoined WW a few weeks back after. I got to lifetime in 2006 and was there for about 5 minutes before the weight started creeping back on. I too am approaching 40 and have decided to make WW my AA. I thought I could do it on my own, but the truth proved otherwise.
My husband and I were in Florida on vacation recently. We walked through a street fair and a woman stopped us to ask whether we would consider donating blood. I started to give her excuses as to why we couldn't donate and she said "Oh, you can't donate anyways as pregnant women are not allowed." Ouch. My face fell and she immediately knew I was not pregnant.
Then the other week I went white water rafting in Canada. The guide put me in the front since I had some prior rafting experience. After the trip he told me that he usually likes to put big hockey players in the front to weigh down the raft, but since there were none, I was a good substitute!
I really enjoy that your blog is not filled with self-loathing. Stuff happens and fat piles on...get off your butt and do something about it. I especially appreciate the sauciness of your 'before' photos. I actually got my camera out last night and forced some sauciness into my own photos! I look good fat, but like you, will look smashing thin!
Thanks for your inspiration and continued success on your path!