Body Image and a Reality Check

I once tweeted a reminder to LOVE YOUR BODY - not for what it looks like, but for what it can do. I think it's so important to do at every stage of your journey and life, really. Because I think most people (myself included) can easily get distracted by what our bodies look like, or don't look like, and what we *wish* they looked like. 

I mention this because in all likelihood, no matter what you currently weigh, or what weight you may reach, you will probably never look like the idealized version of yourself. That fantasy body that you envision in your head will likely always be that - a fantasy. Because of that, I think it's important to remember your body's main function is not as a physical showpiece, it's an amazing piece of machinery that moves you around and performs thousands of tasks every single day. 

I think one body image hurdle most of us struggle with are stretch marks and cellulite. It surprises me how often people ask me if I have them, as if I'm superhuman and immune to these things. Of course I do! More than you can imagine!

I first noticed stretch marks when I 11 years old, and cellulite not long after that. Many of you have asked me what I do about them? I'll tell you: Nothing. They are there and I live with them. Just because you don't see them in photos doesn't mean I don't have them. But I also want to point out that both conditions are genetic as well as weight related - I've seen women much bigger than I ever was with smooth beautiful skin. And I've seen women much thinner than I'll ever be with more stretch marks and cellulite than I have. I had them at 208 pounds, and I have them at 138 pounds. But I'd still rather be a healthy & happy 138 pounds, than an obese and depressed 208.

I don't think anyone likes having them, but this is where a little reframing comes in: at the end of the day, neither of these things matter. They don't make you a bad person, they don't make you a failure, they don't devalue you as a human being. They are both merely a cosmetic issue that we've been trained to feel bad about so that 'miracle creams' and surgeries could be sold. (Side note: I think most products/services are sold to us by making us feel inferior and playing into our vanity - what we should/could look like. And stretch marks and cellulite are just two more things that ad agencies have taught us are wrong! - the enemy! - and that we should hate and therefore do everything to rid ourselves of.)

Not to get too far off on a tangent, but this ties in regarding advertising -

I was standing in line at a drug store recently and a teenage girl was in line behind me with her mother. The girl looked at a promo for lipstick - you know the kind of ad I'm talking about. It had an extreme close up of a stunningly beautiful woman's face. Her skin was flawless, pore-less, smooth. She had the most beautifully painted on red lips and perfect eye makeup and hair. The girl said to her mother "Do you think she's photoshopped?" I was waiting to hear the mother's reply. She either ignored the daughter's question or replied so silently that I missed it but I wanted to turn around and tell that young girl:

"Yes! A thousand times yes, she is photoshopped! She is photoshopped to within an inch of her life! No one looks like that! Even THAT MODEL doesn't look like that! Do not compare yourself to these images because you will never attain that look! You will only be disappointed when you can never live up to an impossible beauty standard! None of these women look like what you see in magazines and on the internet! It's a false reality used to make you feel bad about yourself and buy their products!"

I'm sure we all know/realize that deep down, but how often do we still find ourselves getting sucked into that fantasy and buying those products? Every image you see in print or online is probably retouched in some way - at least a little, if not a LOT. Not only will you never look as 'perfect' as the images you see but even those people in the photographs don't look like that! Do you realize that? They've been enhanced and had all their 'flaws' (what someone else decided was a flaw) digitally removed. The size and shapes of various parts of them have been changed to meet someone's?? ideal. But those images are not real. (Note: I have never retouched/changed any of my photos other than cropping & lightening or darkening them. However, there are plenty of photos that I don't upload because I don't like what they show) So if you're comparing yourself to those images, realize that you will likely always find reasons to dislike your own body. It's not healthy. And it's not even real! Remind yourself those images are fabricated and stop expecting to look like them.

The thing is, no matter how much any of us workout or what we weigh, we are likely never going to look like whatever ideal we have in our head (whether it's a celebrity, our former selves or some other imaginary version of us). If we have stretch marks and cellulite, we will probably always have them. Even at goal weight. So I think the first thing we need to do is understand that and have realistic expectations. Because all we can do is eat better and move more; but we have little to no control over what our bodies will look like as a result of that work.

So instead of being disappointed that you don't look a certain way, I want you to reframe it: The next time you find yourself saying negative things about your body because of what it looks like, I want you to see all the ways your body is amazing - think of all the things it does for you in a single day: it keeps your heart beating and keeps you alive, it gets you around from place to place, it walks, it drives, it bends, reaches, grabs, writes, sews, paints, draws, plays instruments, runs, bikes, swims, jumps -  it picks up and holds your kids & your loved ones. Your body is a truly amazing thing - a functional work of art.

And the next time you catch yourself saying negative things about your body, become aware of it and stop it. Stop it immediately and undo that script. Instead, marvel at your body for WHAT IT CAN DO. Tell yourself 3 or 5 things that are amazing about your body.

This is something I only began doing myself in the last year or so and reframing it in this way has helped me tremendously because even though I reached goal and love aspects of my physical body, it will never be the "ideal" body I have in my mind, no matter how much weight I lose or how much I work out.

I hope that every one of you reading this makes it a goal to work on this too. You may not be able to change certain aspects of your physical self, but you *can* change the way you think about them and accept them, at least eventually. But just like everything else, you will only get there if you begin to work on making that change. And just like everything else - you can do it, you can make that change. If you believe you can. So believe. And do it! Your body is amazing and you need to see that - even if you don't see it in the mirror. Yet.