Forever

Having chronicled my entire weight loss journey online has had many benefits, as well as a few drawbacks. The benefits are plenty - the verbal & photo documentation of my experience, the ability to capture and then relive the highlights as well as the lessons from the setbacks, having met readers who became real life friends, and somehow, without even meaning to, providing inspiration, encouragement and entertainment to others. Drawbacks are much fewer but include being very visible and as a result, so vulnerable to scrutiny and criticism.

The reason I'm bringing this up is because I want to talk about my current weight. I've mentioned in a few posts over the last year or so that I'm above my goal weight. I don't think I need to mention this often, as I feel it's obvious from photos. But I'll address it here, officially. Yes, I'm above my goal weight range. I haven't been within that range for about a year.

I know that if you’re a friend or loyal reader, this news will probably not come as a surprise, nor witll it effect your opinion of me negatively. And I'm sure you wouldn't say anything mean or hurtful to me. I point that out because if or when something similar happens to you, I want you to be just as kind to YOURSELF. Forgive yourself. Do not say hurtful things to yourself. Think about what's going on and change it. But always love yourself.

So, how did this happen? Unfortunately, a little too easily. Before reaching goal, I spent my entire life abusing food and eating pretty poorly. I have a lifetime of unhealthy habits that are not entirely behind me yet. They may never be. I say all the time that I don't ever expect to be cured. I don't believe there is a "cure" for this condition. It's all about management and I simply haven't been managing it as well as I could have been. I knew when I reached Goal and Lifetime that the journey was not over, that I would need to work at this for the rest of my life. And I accept that. But I stopped being as diligent as I know I need to be. I let outside things get to me that I shouldn't have, and allowed myself to return to too many old behaviors too frequently. If I had to summarize, I’d say that I didn’t keep my priorities in order.

If you're wondering why I allowed that to happen, well, part of me is wondering that too. I’m not really sure I figured it out yet. Sure, I can blame things that happened TO me (situations/things in my life that were beyond my control) but the fact is I don't allow myself to think that way. I'm not a victim. No one made the decisions I did except me. The bottom line is that "things" happen to all of us. How we choose to react to them is all that we’re in control of. And I didn't always choose or react as well as I could have or should have.

So why am I telling you all of this? Well, I'm writing about all of this for a few reasons - first, because I thought I should address it since people occasionally ask in comments and because it’s part of my weight loss journey, so it belongs in my blog. But also because I think it helps others to see the reality -- that the journey doesn't end when you reach goal, and it's not easier because you're at goal. We have the same ups and downs after goal that we did before goal, but we just keep at it. Because it's not about being perfect. It never was, and I certainly never was! It's about patience, compassion and kindness. It’s about determination, perseverance, living life, having a good time, being healthy and making the better choice more often than not. It's figuring out how to create a new healthy lifestyle. One without shame, deprivation, negativity or abuse.

I also wanted to write about this because I get comments and emails from readers every single day - and the message is often something to the effect of how I inspired you in some way. It still boggles my mind to read some of the amazing things I hear from readers. When I hear the impact and effect my words or actions had on you to take a chance and try something new and healthy, I'm incredulous. I often think "Really? Me? I helped someone do that?!" I love that you share those things with me, thank you. It’s beautiful and amazing and sometimes difficult for me to even comprehend that I was in some way able to give you the confidence in yourself to take a chance and start to do something.

I mention that because since I’m not currently at goal weight, it can feel a little awkward hearing those things right now. For a brief moment, I think “But don’t they see I’m not at goal weight?” But then I put it back into perspective for myself and realize that being at goal weight is not the whole picture. I got there once and I can and will get there again. But I spent a whole lot longer *not* at goal weight than *at* goal weight and I still inspired many of you along the way. I believe it's my perseverance and determination - not me being "perfect" - that inspires many of you. So let this post inspire you too. Let it inspire you to see that no matter what, you never give up on yourself or your healthy lifestyle. Things may distract you from time to time - that’s part of life - but it’s never over unless you stop trying.

Know -- and accept!-- that there will be dead-ends and detours and dimly lit paths but the journey doesn’t end. You find another way. You keep going. Because even though there may be a few twists and turns and rough patches, those are few compared to all the great, exciting, awesome, life changing and wonderful parts of the journey. Never lose sight of how great your healthy new life is. Just pick yourself up and keep going. Vow to never give up. Because this is forever. I'm in it for the rest of my life and I hope you are too. :)


(In case you're wondering - I think I'm around 150 right now. And just to give you an idea what I look like, I took this on May 19th after the Brooklyn Half Marathon.)

Running Adventures: The Brooklyn Half 2012

This past Saturday was the Brooklyn Half Marathon! Here's how it went...

All day Friday, all I could do was think about the event. I was so excited to run, to see Trixie, to represent my borough, to make it to the Coney Island boardwalk and to experience the great new route that was planned. I was really looking forward to this one.

Here's a map of the route:

 

Brooklyn Half Map

Friday night, I got all my stuff out for Saturday morning -

Necessary: Bra, pants, socks, orthotics, sneakers, bandana, running belt, heart rate monitor, ipod case, ipod, garmin, vitaband, road ID, salt packets, goo packs, ID/money/MetroCard, keys, sunglasses, bib. Cat optional.

I went to bed early, around 9pm.

04:00 Awake! (barely)

05:00 Dressed. I wore:

• Victoria's Secret sports bra ($50-ish)
• Personalized "Bitch Cakes" Shirt from Neighborhoodies in DUMBO ($40-ish)
• Compression pants from CW-X ($80-ish)
• Nathan's running belt ($20-ish)
• Sneakers from Reebok (free at the #FitBlogNYC event I attended!)
• Wicking Socks ($5-ish)
• Pink Bandana ($1) 

Shown below:

• Oakley's Sunglasses (also free at #FitBlogNYC - nice!)
• Victoria's Secret Running Jacket ($75-ish)

05:30 I left the apartment, taking Isabella with me

Not many people on Kent Ave at this hour. None, in fact!

Riding to Prospect Park

No sooner had I dismounted my bike to lock up when another runner who was walking to the starting point told me she was a blog reader. She even commented that I had my new bike with me (she's caught up on my blogs, I see!) This is Leslie, another runner ready for the #Brooklyn Half! I think one of her friends may have even video taped the encounter. I hope I didn't say anything stupid. It was only 6am and I was barely awake!

Hey Leslie, hope you had a terrific run!!

I locked up Isabella outside the 2-3 Train stop for Grand Army Plaza and hoped she'd be safe for a few hours. Then I made my way to the baggage check, which was in the parking lot of the Brooklyn Museum. After taking care of that and using the port-o-john, I then walked to the starting point.

How can there be this much garbage so early?!

Look at that beautiful sun while runners stretch out front of the Brooklyn Museum

I made my way towards the starting point on Eastern Parkway, passing lots of other runners.

Good morning, Front Runners! Stretch it out!

This guy wins "most appropriate shirt" of the day.

There were a few people I wanted to find before the start - namely my friend/co-worker Jen and Trixie, who I haven't seen in months but who came back to Brooklyn to run this race.

First I found Jen!

Good morning, Jen Hoffman!

Soon enough, it was 7am and the race had officially begun. Of course we were pretty far back, so we had a long walk to the front. As I walked towards the starting line with Jen & Josephine, who should find me but Trixie! Yeah!! She had been telling me she expected to be slow on this day (believe me, I'm no speed demon!) so we agreed to meet at the start in case we don't see each other at the end. I was so happy to see her and hug her and start the run with her!

I'm not sure who these people are but this was a moment before the start, which I didn't get a photo of

And before I knew it, we were crossing that starting line! We started off running on Washington Ave...

Me with Trixie - go, girl, go!

I ran with Trixie for a bit, then we split up. Don't worry. You'll see her again later.

We turned onto Flatbush Ave, where we encountered runners who already had done that portion and the Grand Army Plaza loop and were headed back -

Runners ahead of us

on the lines, as usual!

Pretty early on into this run, one thing became clear: There was a serious port-o-john issue. There were none at or near the corrals. For runners who didn't bag check, that meant they went straight to the corral and had no options for relief. Even though I had used them at the baggage check, I had also drank 16 oz of water and it was about 40 minutes later and now I had to go again. My friends Jen & Jane had the same issue as we were lined up waiting to begin - we all had to go and there was nowhere to go.

Sure enough, we were not the only ones. Because early on into the run, I saw SO MANY runners pull off to take care of business in the grass and trees. Men *and* women! I can honestly say I have *never* seen this on any run before. But for the first 6 or so miles, I had to see well over a hundred runners doing this out of desperation. Even when there were port-o-johns, the lines were so long, I understood the runners who risked everything (you can lose your spot in the marathon) by relieving themselves along the sides of the road. For that reason, and because I think it's an invasion of privacy, I didn't photograph anyone who did that. But I hope the organizers take this into consideration for next time...

Mile 1, hello there!

I was running and feeling ok, other than needing to go to the bathroom. That slowed me a little but I kept trying not to think about it. I was enjoying the weather - it wasn't too hot yet and it was a beautiful sunny day.

The nice thing about the longer runs (and some of the shorter ones) is that there's entertainment along the route. I passed this guy and then ran back for a shot because I remember seeing him just this past Thursday night in Grand Central and I *loved* him! I told him I'm his newest fan!

Matt Vorzimer, you rock!

We made our way around Grand Army Plaza/Eastern
Parkway loop-

Good morning, Grand Army Plaza!

I couldn't read these signs until I got home and downloaded the photo and I just choked right up. How beautiful!

Coming around the plaza, there were those cheerleaders I remember from the NYCHalf! Love them!

By this time, I still had to go, even worse now, so it was exceptionally cruel to see this toilet there which I couldn't use because I didn't have a quarter! (Side note: I can't wait to check this out next time I'm by Prospect Park/Grand Army Plaza!)

I can't wait to check this thing out!!

Just then, I passed a Black Girls Run! cheering squad - they saw me after I took this photo and then cheered for me

I had seen this man earlier in the day. I'm not sure if he was cheering for anyone in particular or just giving us all something to smile about -

I do believe that's a Kool Aid shirt!

I had seen my friend Jane at the start and we caught up to each other here-

Looking great, Jane!!

No parking today - we are running these streets!

I loved this duo on drums!

Look at that, 3 miles down

After passing that drumming duo on Ocean Ave, we turned on Parkside Ave, which made me think of our bike rides to the beach, since we make that turn to get to Rugby Road.

We ran the length of that road that runs along the park and that's when we entered Prospect Park for a single loop -

Her sign says "I think you're attractive", which made me laugh

Immediately on our way in, we saw runners on their way out - they had already finished the 3.3 mile loop inside the park (show-offs!)

the fast runners exiting the park

I like this action shot of me in the park

As we ran through the park, I was in my own world - mostly a world that involved going to the bathroom. As I had mentioned, there were port-o-johns along the route but they all had 10 or so runners waiting to use them and I didn't want to have to wait 10 minutes to use one. I'd be more likely to go in the woods like the other runners I saw. But I know the layout of Prospect Park fairly well, so when we got to the picnic area, I ran off the course and straight for the restroom where I finally took care of things. What a relief!!! I made my way back to the loop and continued running. I felt so much better!

I've talked about the big hill in Prospect Park before - I call it Nellie's Hill, since "Nellie's Lawn" is on the hill. As I was approaching it, another runner came up to me to tap me and said she's a blog reader. Naturally I had to get a shot of us running together:

Hi Cathy! Nice meeting you and I hope you had a terrific half!!

Around this time, I was thinking back to another event when I had to run up this hill, when I had seen a cheering squad from the Black Girls Run group. Sure enough - they were there this time too!

"Run like you stole sumthin!"

And as I was at the absolute worst part of Nellie's Hill, and I was walking, I see another member of BGR with a sign that says "We don't walk up hills!" Ooopsy, I laughed (because I was walking), photographed her and then started running again.

"We don't walk up hills!"

Great outfit! Tutu & Wonder Woman socks

At the top of the hill, a little encouragement from a bystander:

Way to go, hot dog! (I'm sure it's a vegan tofu pup)

I remember thinking... more than once... "are we ever leaving this park?!" It felt like we were in there forever!

still going!

another enthusiastic cheering section with cute signs

Mile 7 and what's in sight, but the end of the park! OMG we are finally leaving Prospect Park!

More than half way done!

As we left the park and approached Ocean Parkway, I tweeted that I was past Mile 7 and it was starting to get hot. I don't know what temperature it was, but I was starting to get very warm...

I like to run on the curbs sometimes

At the beginning of Ocean Parkway, I saw a few more members from Black Girls Run! And some of them recognize me now or know me from the interwebz, so they are always very friendly.

Hello ladies! Looking GREAT!

I was keeping pace with them for a while. At one point, one of them said to me "You have a beautiful shape". I thanked her and then immediately thought of my Grandma Margie, who used to tell me I had the "most beautifulest shape". She passed away 4 years ago, before I ever ran at all. I knew she would be proud and it was nice to think of her.

We continued on Ocean Parkway. It's a long stretch, about 5 miles. But at least it's flat! It's also hard to believe they shut down all of it to car traffic, but they do.

I kept with the hydration strategy that worked for me at the last half - I drank at every fluid station to prevent myself from getting dehydrated. I just hate all the waste as a result...



















Around this time on Ocean Parkway, I shot a little video:

I took a little walking break here, and walked up on the grass-

I have no idea how I smudged my eyebrow!

Shortly after that I found a bunch of port-o-johns which I was happy to use because I couldn't believe it but I had to go *again*! (and I hadn't seen any for a while!)

Shortly after that stop, I was at Mile 12! Nice!

(Somewhere around mile 10 or 11, I had to lose my shirt. The sun was blazing down on us and I was too hot to keep it on. I tucked it into my running belt.)

Mile 12 already!

Only 1 mile to go!

You know you're at the end of Ocean Parkway when you see the overhead subway!

We reach the end of Ocean Parkway and then turn onto Surf Ave. This is where I teared up last year because I knew I was so close to the end and I was so proud. Much to my surprise, I teared up here again this year. I really didn't expect to and I'm not sure why I did - maybe just because I remembered how I felt last year.

crying, even if you can't see it, and my eyelash is hanging off...

I continued on Surf Ave, knowing we were *so close* to the finish!

800 Meters to go! That's only half a mile!

I decided to take another little video while we were still on Surf

And at this point, the route deviated a little from last year, but for the better. Last time we ran up the boardwalk sooner - which mean more boardwalk running which is nice and pretty, but this year I enjoyed that we stayed on Surf Ave a little longer because it meant we entered the boardwalk by running up the block between the Cyclone and the Wonder Wheel. How cool!

On the left: The world famous Cyclone!

On the right: Dino's Wonder Wheel!

And just like that, over two and a half hours after starting on Eastern Parkway, I was here. On Coney Island's famed boardwalk!

boy I was glad to see that mile marker!

 running on the boardwalk

As I ran that last little stretch to the finish line, I shot another video. This was one of my favorite parts of the whole run. Not just because I was about to finish but because they were blasting the Beastie Boys - "Fight For Your Right to Party!" (The Beastie Boys are, of course, from Brooklyn and MCA passed away earlier this month. RIP MCA!)

We crossed the finishing line and again to my surprise, WE GOT MEDALS!!! I was so excited about this, you have no idea! We didn't get medals for this run last year! I asked to be "crowned" and bent down a little so the woman on the right could place mine around my neck. It's so much better that way!

handing out the medals- thank you ladies!

After crossing the finish, I hung out for a bit to find a few peeps. I was so happy to run into Florence... finally! Florence is a Weight Watchers member in NYC who I met last year and though we've done many of the same runs, I never see her. She's also the first "Black Girls Run" member I ever met, so any time I see BGR members, I tell them "I know Florence!" I feel like I have street cred throwing her name around :)

Florence, congrats on your 2nd half and your impressive time! You rock!!

Here's another BGR member. I asked her to show off their new shirt/logo - I love it!

great logo & font!

I knew my friend Ethan would be at the water station after the finish line but didn't see him there after I crossed. Fortunately, he found me! Here we are, baking under the hot sun!

Ethan scored his volunteer credit for next year's marathon!

After that I headed towards Nathan's, where I hoped to find Trixie & Marcus and get my beer and fries.

Runners were everywhere, stretching out

I love all the hand painted signs at Coney Island. There's lots of yellow, red and blue advertising all sorts of eats for the beach and amusement go-ers. And on this day, half marathoners.

Runners as far as the eye can see!

Not even 11am and Nathan's was already packed!

The line at Nathan's was so long I was relieved to find out Marcus was in a bar nearby. I made my way over there instead...

What a great ad these runners took out for today!

Can't resist an overflowing trash shot...

On my way into the bar, I found Trixie! And it turns out all that stuff about her being "slow" - well it turns out she beat me to the finish line. In fact, she PR'ed! She had her best half-time ever! I'm so proud of her!!!

Me & Trixie show off our medals

We made it into the bar. We never found Marcus (sorry Marcus!), but we had some refreshments -

Beer & Fries!

After that I had to get back to my bike, so I could get home. Trixie & Mikey gave me a ride back up to Grand Army Plaza. As luck would have it, we saw Malaika riding past at that exact moment!

I love what a small world it is sometimes!

Sure enough, Isabella was right where I left her!

take me home, sweet chariot!

I rode home, with my medal on of course!

I rode through Williamsburg and absolutely love this shot I got on Metropolitan at Havemeyer-

bodega + hipster + old man + bike + fire escape + bed bug ad = very Brooklyn

My favorite waitress, Jen, wasn't working that day but I met this gorgeous young woman who said she reads my blog! This is Serena, who is cool looking in a way I always wished I was -

happy to show off my medal at Champs with Serena

I just wanted a quick coffee and vegan donut, and then I was on my way-

coconut donut courtesy of Dun-Well

Felipe met me & took this shot for me

I consumed my sugary treat and went home for a much needed shower. Here are my heart rate monitor stats from the run:

• Total Time: 2 hours, 52 minutes
• Minutes in Cardio Zone: 2 hours, 52 minutes
• Percentage of Time in Cardio Zone: 100% 
• Percentage of Fat Burn: 12%
• Average Heart Rate: 159
• High Heart Rate: 184
• Total Calories Burned: 1661
• Total Miles: 13.1 (but according to my Garmin, it was 13.4)
• Pace: 13'09" 

(my NYRR race stats are here)

I arrived home and still felt totally fine, which people have told me means that I didn't run hard enough but I know that I pushed myself as much as I could. If I could have run harder or faster, I would have. I'd have liked to have a time more consistent with last year's time (2 hours, 29 minutes) or even the NYC Half earlier this year (2 hours, 39 minutes) but I did what my body allowed on this particular day and I had a great time. (and probably 8 minutes of my total time was a result of my 2 bathroom stops) But whatever, I had a GREAT run and wonderful memories!

Since I wasn't sore and it was still an absolutely beautiful day, I wanted to enjoy it with what else? A bike ride, naturally...

of course I'm going to ride with my medal!

I took a trip to Queens and had no idea where I was when I noticed this woman was going to say something to me. At first I thought she was surprised I had stopped for the light so that she could cross (pedestrians seem surprised by this all the time, I think I'm in the minority of cyclists that usually stops) But that wasn't it, she told me she was a blog reader and we had a nice little chat!

This is Tami, she's lost 70 pounds and is also a Weight Watchers Lifetime member. And she's posing like this to show off her cute new bird tattoo on her inner forearm.

Great meeting you, Tami! Congrats on your success!

in Queens, headed back to Greenpoint via Greenpoint Ave - look at that sunset behind Manhattan!

There was a little more bike riding around and a sandwich for dinner at Champs, but that's about it. I was in bed around 9 for some much needed rest. It was a beautiful day - weather wise, bike wise, running wise, experience wise. I'm a very lucky girl.

(the entire set of photos from the BK Half can be seen here)



And check out Trixie's Success Story which was just posted on WeightWatchers.com! I'm so proud of her!!